Committing

"There is always something dysfunctional that you bring from your family or origin" (Hill, 2023). I think I fall into the category of someone who thought they came from a perfect family. The older I get I have been able to see that their is room to improve. I think being humble enough to see we bring some dysfunctionality to the table is how we can become transitional characters.

In a marriage relationship, one partner can not take the higher ground and have a louder voice (Hill, 2023). That is dysfunction. If you both feel strongly about something, you should each write out why it is repulsive or important to you, and then read them to each other. There should be absolutely no manipulation throughout this process.

The number one thing that women find arousing is men caring for children. The number one thing men find arousing is a women enjoying herself (Hill, 2023). Their divinity is much more holy than the world would make you believe.

Tammy taught us through the parable of the widows mite ( Mark 12:41-44). Relating this to marriage, there will be times that our spouse is giving all he/she has. That offering should be cherished no matter how small it may seem (Hill,2023).

"We have a core, fundamental, need to be wanted, chosen, desired" (Hill, 2023). We need to make our spouse feel wanted, chosen, and desired. We need to respect those in our lives or in dating situations that could hurt their core need of belonging.

"Sexual betrayal is talking about your sexual relationship without your spouse being their or a part of it" (Hill,2023). I have seen this many times when others, friends, siblings, parents, will be curious and ask intimate questions, or I have heard of a spouse who is dissatisfied and wants to complain. This is betrayal. Do not allow anyone else to be part of your bedroom experience. You should talk about these things only with your spouse, or with their permission.

Woman invite their husband into her (Hill,2023). To me this is a beautiful concept and I can see so many benefits. Because it is all internal for women, she is the best judge for when she is fully aroused. When she has a longing feeling for more pressure she can have a word she uses with her spouse to let him know she is ready. I think this also creates an atmosphere of putting the spouses needs before your own.

Your decision for birth control should be between you, your spouse, and God ( Sorensen, 2023). I think this is something that others may try to get involved in or that someone may even feel trapped with, but it doesn't have to be that way. Do your homework, research all the different types of Birth Control (Barrier, Hormonal, Surgical, and Behavioral), and choose the method that is right for you.

Live wholeheartedly. Make eye contact and smile, learn names, sit by new people, and let your light radiate (Hill,2023). You are here now for a reason.

Individuals and spouses can build bridges to desire. Some examples of what these bridges can be are: 

- Holding hands

- Helping with kids and responsibilities

- Prepare the environment to be more romantic and enticing by adding music, candles, soft lighting, etc.

- Kiss or hug when you come together after being apart

- Watch romantic movies together

- Have pillow talk,, continue to get to know each other

- Shower together

- Give each other massages/ brush her hair

- Have set aside time for affectionate touch with no strings attached (Brotherson, 2016).

I have stated this before, but our children are going to grow up in the most sexualized world ever known. Relating back the the first point, being different from our family of origin, even if we weren't raised talking about sex in the home, it has to be different. Our children need to know they can talk to you about sex (Hill, 2023).

Women are not broken sexually, they are just different. I believe God made us differently so that we would care for one another more deeply and be able to practice sexual stewardship for our spouses. The sexual response cycle for men and women is different. Men will desire sex, experience arousal, experience orgasm, and then resolution. On the other hand, women must feel aroused before they desire sex, then orgasm and resolution (Hill,2023). 

If you go on an overnight trip with a spouse (which I would recommend once a month, and a week long trip alone at least once a year), make the trip two nights. It may take one night to relax, destress, and rest from all your cares, and the second night can be used to enjoy each others company. In the words of Jeff Hill,"if you go for two nights, you get more bang for your buck" (Hill,2023). I would also like to say that Tammy immediately made Jeff apologize and rephrase that sentence.

Tammy also taught us through the parable of the pound ( Luke 19: 13-26). This story highlights an unfaithful servant who does not increase what his master gave him. We will all be accountable to God, and one thing he will ask us is," how much did you enjoy your body?" (Hill, 2023). A wise steward will choose to learn, grow, and invest in sexuality.

We should have a marital contract, stating that all of our sexual self is going to pursue our spouse (Hill,2023). Children have a right to come home to a mother and father who are faithful to each other. 

When making love you should go as slow as possible. Arousal can take 3 times as long for women than for men, and if she is not fully aroused, intimacy will be painful. You will not bless your marriage if you are not fully aroused (Hill, 2023). 

There are two different types of desire which is important to recognize instead of pointing fingers. There is spontaneous desire, which is not controllable desire or arousal. This is when nothing major prompts the desire. There is also responsive desire, which is when things are happening to create arousal/desire (Hill, 2023). If you are a responsive spouse you can ask your spontaneous spouse to help you get there.

"Women need to find ways to close all of their 'Mental windows' in order to transition to sex" (Brotherson, 2016). Some examples of this would be process writing and making a to-do list. A woman can also get out of her thoughts and into her body by focusing on breathing, touch, being proactive in the process, verbalizing pleasure, and keeping their eyes open.

Sometimes couples become distanced and the relationships can become strained if they don't find ways to connect. One way to ensure couples time together is creating rituals in the marriage. Rituals are social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant to both parties in the relationship. Some examples of rituals are greetings and good-byes rituals, talk rituals, and dating rituals (Ogletree, 2014).