flip your paradigm on Marriage
Must read sources to change your perspective on relationships.
Marriage Means Leaving Home and Cleaving to Each Other by Ted Cunningham
This article taught me what it really means to be independent from your parents. It also helped me realize that my spouse is my family when I am married. He will be my home. To have a thriving marriage one must leave home physically, relationally, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and geographically.
Knowing Her Intimately by Laura Brotherson
This book teaches that women are not broken sexually, but it can be a struggle to create the intimate and passionate relationship God intended. Women really are a mystery to themselves and men and the author does a fantastic job teaching righteous ways to be better sexual stewards to your spouse.
Inquire Well to Marry Well by Michael A. Goodman
This article teaches that there is a difference between outward personality and inward character. There are many attributes to consider when courting, but which are the most important? Well, this article simplifies it all by focusing on the most important inward characteristics, which relate to the two great commandments, their relationship with God, and their relationship with others.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Do you know your attachment style? Prior to this book, attachment styles were defined by how stable and secure your attachment was with your primary caregiver in infancy. For example, if your parents were highly responsive you would have a secure attachment. However, this book seeks deeper understanding by researching how attachment styles are affected by our romantic relationships. Attachment styles are plastic, permanent but not unchangeable. This book has a quiz to help you learn your attachment style and what it means, but the entire book is to help individuals become a secure base for others.
This is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much by Jennice Vilhauer
This is almost the opposite of marriage, but talking about attachment styles, I just had to include this source. Too often in the dating scene, I hear, " I think I'm just gonna ghost him." After reading this article, it hurts my heart to hear that. Ghosting goes against our divine nature of needing to belong. Ghosting can damage attachment styles as the need for closure is unmet. If you have put more than 2 hours into getting to know someone I think they deserve closure if you no longer want to see them. I must point out that if you do not feel safe this rule does not apply.
The Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman
This book is so easy to understand and so accurate. Each chapter ends with clear DOs and DON'Ts when it comes to a relationship with a woman. Everyone needs to read this book, men and women. This book teaches how important a woman's mind is, how she thinks, and how you can support her.
Chastity: of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments by Jeffrey R. Holland
Leave it to Elder Holland to bring the spirit. He speaks of marital intimacy in such a sacred way. This Article helped me see the godly perspective in a marital relationship.
Healing the Time-Starved Marriage by Mark D. Ogletree
This is an excerpt from a book titled, By Divine Design, but is well worth your time. This article shows the importance of spending time together in a marriage and how to make the most of the time you have. My biggest takeaway from this article was forming rituals in your relationship, like a greeting ritual, talk ritual, and dating ritual. If you coordinate social interactions that are significant to each spouse, you can heal and strengthen a marriage. you can find this article on BYU's religious study center page, but I recommend the whole book.
7 Must-Have Money Conversations You Need to Have Before Getting Hitched
With finances being one of the main causes of divorce, it is important to inquire well. This can be a hard conversation to have, so this article gives you wonderful ways to word questions and have vulnerable conversations. Many of these questions I would have never thought of on my own. The financial conversation should happen in the pre-engagement stage before you are officially engaged but when a relationship is headed toward marriage. It should be an ongoing conversation from that point on.
Replenish by Tammy Hill
Tammy was my professor at BYU and she sees this book as one of the reasons she was sent to Earth. This book is a guide for married LDS couples in creating sexual fulfillment in their relationship. There really isn't any other book quite like this out there.
Breaking Up Without Going to Pieces: When Dating Doesn’t End in Marriage By M. Gawin Wells
This article is exactly what it sounds like. All of us in the dating stage have such high hopes when we start falling head over heels for someone. Sometimes we are even more in love with the thought of being in love than we are with the person. This article helps identify when it is actually better to end a relationship and shares healthy ways to go through that grieving process. That may sound silly to some, but for those of us who go through it during a breakup: you are validated. It is a loss. It is hard. And it is going to be okay eventually.
Concluding thoughts
You made it to the end! thank you so much for your interest and care for this topic. We are relational beings. I could have gone on and on with sources but I hope these have helped. If you have any recommendations to add or any questions, leave me a message. I would love to hear how these articles have changed your way of thinking and have helped you grow.
References
7 must-have money conversations you need to have before getting hitched. Gregory Ricks & Associates
(2020, September 10). Retrieved April 29, 2023, from https://gregoryricks.com/7-must-have-money-conversations-you-need-to-have-before-getting-hitched/
Brotherson, L. M. (2018). Knowing her intimately: 12 keys for creating a sextraordinary marriage. Inspire
Book.
Cunningham, T. (2017, May 26). Marriage means leaving home and cleaving to each other. Focus on the
Family. Retrieved April 27, 2023, from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/marriage-means-leaving-home-and-cleaving-to-each-other/
Goodman, M. A. (2017, August 1). Inquire well to marry well. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. Retrieved April 27, 2023, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2017/08/young-adults/inquire-well-to-marry-well?lang=eng
Gottman, J. M. (2016). The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the "Love Lab"
About what women really want. Rodale.
Hill, T. S. (2023). Replenish: Creating sexual fulfillment in marriage, a guide for Lds couples. Tammy Hill.
Holland, J. R. (2021, April 30). Of souls, symbols, and sacraments. BYU Speeches. Retrieved April 29,
2023, from https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland/souls-symbols-sacraments/
Levine, A., & Heller, R. S. F. (2012). Attached. Bluebird.
Top, B. L., & Goodman, M. A. (2014). Healing the time-starved marriage. In By divine design: Best
practices for family success and happiness. essay, Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University.
Vilhauer, J. (2015, November 27). Why ghosting hurts so much. Psychology Today. Retrieved April 29,
2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201511/why-ghosting-hurts-so-much
Wells, M. G. (1982, June). Breaking Up without Going to Pieces: When Dating Doesn’t End in Marriage.
Retrieved April 30, 2023, from https://emp.byui.edu/hendricksr/Achievement%20Class/breaking%20up%20relationships.pdf
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